21 Jan 2018

MTBcoin

WORDS x Eskapee
PHOTOS x Stolen off the Internet

Eskapee is pleased to announce the release of the latest cryptocurrency – MTBcoin. Backed by the world’s largest network of dynamically-assigned massively-parallel and dynamic public throughput chains (blockchains) this new currency is set to take the world and MTB trails by storm.

Released only today, and only available in extremely limited numbers, this new currency is the latest must-have-item that will make you sound smarter on those post-ride conversations. Not only will your trail buddies not know anything about what you’re talking about, they’ll also not care.

“It’s the Clayton’s of Money”, said lead Eskapee MTBcoin developer Wayne Kerr.

“You can’t buy anything with it. You can’t trade it in for anything. And it’s pretty much useless for anything at the moment really”, he further explained.

“However, we are working on a fully integrated trading system that will allow you to diversify your bike portfolio by trading MTBcoins on the MTB standards futures market. The combination of the volatility of MTBcoins combined with the constant uncertainty of the future of MTB “standards” means it’s a marriage that’s perfect to make everyone in the world a billionaire within days”, explained MTBcoin CTO Brittany Sharrpen.

“At any given time you don’t know if your hubs or cranks are going to fit your bike. At the same time you will have no idea what that $157,000 you invested in MTBcoin is actually worth. It’s a perfect storm of confusion, hype, mob mentality, and panic and that’s why people will want to invest in MTBcoin”, Brittany further explained.

MTBcoin is also the technology leader in the cryptocurrecny market and coin mining. Backed by a network of wind-powered Commodore 64 machines tethered to an asynchronous mesh-network of Apple IIe workstations means that it should take around 234.99 years for new coins to be mined against a 2900bit crypto hash function. This means that the number of MTBcoins at any one time is going to be extremely rare (if not non-existent) and hence your billions will keep increasing.

Fill your fanny pack with MTBcoins before they all run out. If you want in all you have to do is send us your bank account details, credit card details, and personal information and we’ll pass them off to our finance department in Nigeria.

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